There are many myths and much misinformation surrounding the issue of domestic violence. This not only causes great confusion, but also can make an horrific situation more impossible for those who are experiencing domestic violence. If we do not understand the reality of domestic violence, we will never be in a position to create a society which does not tolerate it. Below are listed a number of these myths as well as the reality for those women who are experiencing violence.

MYTH
Only a small number of women are battered or abused in their own homes.

REALITY
In Making the Links (1995), the first ever research conducted on the prevalence of domestic violence in Ireland, almost 1 in 5 Irish women (18%) reported that they had been subjected to either mental cruelty, physical cruelty or sexual violence by a current or previous partner.
Every year the Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline receives over 8,000 calls. The Rathmines Refuge deals with an average of 10 emergency calls every day. The Domestic Violence Sexual Assault Investigative Unit receives an average of 6,000 calls per year relating to "domestic violence" incidents in the Greater Dublin Area.

Many women do not know of the services provided by Women's Aid and other organisations. They are often afraid, many have little freedom or access to transport or money, and many many women feel they have nowhere else to go. For all the women who contact us, we believe there are many more who continue to live in fear.

Violence against women in the home is by no means a rare event. Indeed in a society such as ours, which glorifies the use of violence as a way of solving problems, portrays violence as entertainment, and has a high tolerance for violence against women, the threat of violence, if not the experience of violence is part and parcel of everyday life for many many Irish women.

According to world-wide research, 95% of assaults on spouses are committed by men. In addition, the extent of injuries sustained by men in spousal violence are insignificant and incomparable to those sustained by women (Department of Justice, Report to the Nation on Crime and Justice).

MYTH
It's just the odd domestic tiff

REALITY
Women who come to refuges have usually been severely beaten or threatened with violence on many occasions. Many battered women experience violence which includes rape, having their hair pulled out, being punched or hit in the face and body, choking/strangulation, or being so abused as to sustain serious injuries ranging from cuts and bruising to broken bones and internal damage.

Such physical abuse is usually accompanied by mental abuse in the form of continual harassment and humiliation such as being locked in the house, being denied sleep, being told that she is ugly, stupid and useless and being denied money. Mental abuse leaves no bruising but is as terrifying and damaging as physical violence. In Making the Links, many women reported they had experienced multiple forms of violence and/or sexual violence. In addition, women reported violence occuring while they were pregnant with resultant threatened or actual miscarriage.
No behaviour which so degrades and violates a human being can be dismissed as "just the odd tiff".

MYTH
She must ask for it or deserve it

REALITY
Of all the myths about battered women this is possibly the most insensitive. No woman "deserves" the sort of treatment Women's Aid hears about from women seeking help, no matter what she has or has not done. So-called "provocation" often amounts to no more than asking for money for food, not having a meal ready on time or not wearing "decent clothes".

Research has shown that in many cases of assaults on women the injuries suffered as a result of the attack were in proportion to the resistance offered. In a situation of domestic violence where there are repeated attacks, women know that the more they resist the greater their suffering will be. This submission should in no way be confused with consent.

MYTH
She must enjoy it or she'd leave

REALITY
Women stay with violent men because it is extremely difficult for them to leave. Until recently, there were no refuges and therefore women had nowhere they could go. Even now the numbers of women being turned away due to the lack of refuge space equals or exceeds the places provided.

Many women still do not know refuges exist. Women worry about how the disruption of leaving will affect their children, how they will provide for their children alone, how they will manage as parents on their own. Even if no move is involved, the change of status can equally worry a woman. Marriage is still seen as an achievement, separation as a failure.

Apart from having nowhere to go, many women are so terrified by their partner that they fear the consequences if they attempt to leave. Indeed, research has shown that leaving a violent man is the most dangerous time for a woman.

The prospect of poor housing, lack of day care facilities, poor employment opportunities and poverty are all other reasons why women stay.

MYTH
Leaving the home is bad for the children

REALITY
Many women only leave their home when they realise the effects of the violence on their children or when the children themselves are threatened. In our experience children are more damaged by remaining in a violent situation than by leaving to go to the safe and secure environment provided by a refuge. Indeed we have seen the physical and mental/emotional health of many children actually improve and blossom during and after time spent in a refuge.

MYTH
Nobody has the right to interfere in the domestic affairs of a man and a woman

REALITY
Thousands of women have come forward to seek help from Women's Aid and they have been relieved to find that someone cares about what has been happening to them within their relationship. Both criminal and civil law in this country make it possible for the courts to intervene in cases of domestic violence. 25 per cent of reported violent crime is inflicted on women in the home. Domestic violence is a social problem, not a private affair. The abuse of any human being by another is everyone's business.

MYTH
All men who are violent to women come from an abusive family background

REALITY
Whilst it is true that some men who are violent to women do come from a violent background, the family is not the only formative influence on behaviour. Many men who abuse women do not come from violent backgrounds and other men who do come from an abusive background do not abuse women. They choose to deal with their problems in a non-violent and constructive way.

MYTH
Alcohol causes battering

REALITY
Alcohol does not and cannot make a man abuse a woman, but it is frequently used as an excuse. Many men drink and do not abuse anyone as a result. On the other hand many men abuse women when they are sober. It can be easier for some men and for some women to believe that the violence would not have happened if drink had not been taken.

The root cause of violence against women has nothing to do with alcohol, class, race or the behaviour of the woman. It is a widespread and serious social problem which has to do with social and cultural attitudes to women and women's place in society. It must be treated and combated as such.

MYTH
Battered women batter their children

REALITY
Thousands of women and children have come to Women's Aid since it first opened. We have no evidence to suggest that the children of battered women receive any more violence than the children of other women. Indeed it is out of a sense of responsibility to their children that many women first come to refuges. Many women only make the decision to leave when they realise the hostile and violent environment at home is beginning to affect their children.

The problems of battered women and battered babies or child abuse are fundamentally different in many crucial ways and should not be automatically lumped together.

MYTH
Battering only occurs in working class or traveller families

REALITY
It is mainly working class and traveller women who use refuges as these women have no access to money or other places to go. This does not mean that battering is confined to working class or traveller families. The Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline deals with thousands of phone calls and Advice Visits from middle class and affluent women every year.

Women's Aid regularly helps the wives or partners of judges, teachers, doctors, politicians and businessmen. It is clear that men from all social backgrounds beat and abuse their wives or partners and that battering can happen to women of any age, background or lifestyle.
There is no "type" of woman to whom domestic violence occurs, and there is no "type" of home in which it happens. For this reason, it is often called the most democraticof all crimes.

Many myths and stereotypes exist about domestic violence, and about the women who experience battering and/or abuse in their own homes. Most of these myths trivialize the effects of the experience or seek to blame the victim for what they have been subjected to.

Many women who find themselves in a violent relationship are discouraged from taking action to protect themselves and/or their children. The violence they are experiencing is often compounded by feelings of shame, guilt, fear and embarrassment, and they can also be subjected to social criticism and exclusion.

An important part of freeing all women from the threat and/or the experience of violence involves challenging these myths and setting the record straight. Together with providing much needed services to women and children who are being abused, Women's Aid is committed to challenging these myths.

Back to Home Page